By Myself
by mellinde
Summary: Just your typical Ryou tragedy fic. Ryou is all by himself, with only his knife to keep him company. Warning: self harm, mild language.
1. Chapter 1

Alright, I was just feeling like getting this out…just your normal Ryou tragedy. Nothing special.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu Gi Oh

By Myself

I sat alone in my room. All the lights were off so that I could appreciate the thunder storm. Looking out my window, I watched the rain fall through my tears. Everyone was gone; I had the house to myself.

Sniffling, I adjusted my position in the chair. I couldn't sit still. My fingers were twitching for the feeling of the knife in my hands. I passed a hand over my eyes, wiping away the tears. Thunder shook the house, and I looked over to my desk. I had set it out, so that I could see it. It wasn't that I wanted to torment myself, but I wanted to know where I had left it. I didn't want any unusual surprises.

I shifted my legs so that they were crossed. I glared across the room at my knife as lightning flashed. Not again. I wouldn't do it ever again. I had promised myself. But I wanted to so badly. Just a little cut; it wouldn't even have to hurt. I just wanted to know that I had done it.

As my internal battle raged on, the rain started to pour down even harder. No one would care if I did it again. Nobody knew. They had never known, for that matter. Just one more…just a small one. My eyes softened a little as light from the lightning outside lit up the blade.

It sparkled coldly, just daring me to touch it. I wouldn't back down from a challenge. I took got up, snatched it off the desk, and resumed my position by the window. Now all I needed was to hold it to my wrist and- NO! I wouldn't do it. What would my friends think?

The thunder answered me; I didn't have any friends. Bakura hated me. Yugi and his group only talked to me if it was convenient for them. I was all by myself; alone everywhere I went.

In the silence, I could hear my heart beating. I glanced down at the blade, my ears ringing. Tilting it this way and that, the light bounced off happily. Everyone always said to do what made you happy…didn't they? Well, cutting made me happy. Besides, nobody would know. Nobody wanted to know. So it was okay, if I just did one then. Only one, I didn't want to get carried away.

"You win" I whispered to my knife. "But only because you're my best friend." Smiling, I slowly pulled my left sleeve up past my elbow. Neat lines of cuts were present every few inches along my arm. The most prominent were the ones near the top of my wrist; it was my favorite spot. I glanced at my knife again and lowered it to my flesh. I took a deep breath and let it out as I dragged my knife across the skin. It wasn't deep. I didn't need it to be deep. It just had to be there for me to look at.

I started to set my knife down when I realized that it was a little lonely. I glanced back at the knife in my right hand. Crimson lined the edge.

"Here, you can have a friend. Just like Seto would be my friend." I slide the knife along my wrist again, just underneath the first cut. It still wasn't enough though. "And Yugi, you can have a Yugi friend also." I slide it across again, faster this time. "Don't forget Yami, you need Yami as your friend just like I do." Once more, I slide the blade across my wrist. "But we can't forget Marik-" slash "and Malik" slash. Breathing a little heavier, I looked down at the six cuts on my arms. "But that isn't everyone, is it?" I asked my knife. No, it wasn't.

"This is for Joey!" Slice. "And Tristan!" Slice. "And Tea!" Slice. "And Mai, Serinity, and Duke!" Slash, slash slash. I gritted my teeth. The blood dribbled down and soaked my sleeves. "And this, this is for Bakura." This time, I punctured the skin at the far left, dug down, and ripped it across my arm. I hissed in pain as the blood pouring from my wrist doubled.

I sobbed in pain and anger as the hand clutching the knife started to shake. Finally, I just dropped the thing, and grabbed my wrist.

"There! You've got friends now!" I cried out to my wrist. "And I don't. Do you hear me?" I took a deep shuddering breath before screaming, "I DON'T! I DON'T! Are you fucking happy now? I'm all alone!" I started to rock back and forth, sobs racking my body. "I don't…I don't…I don't" I whispered through my tears. My blood soaked my shirt, but I didn't care. I was alone. And no one was coming for me. They never did. And they never would.

Well, that's that. Tell me what you think. I'm always open to suggestions, ideas, or whatever.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, I had to take off the first chapter and re-post it because I screwed something up, and if I didn't have to take it off, then I'm just stupid…but oh well. Thank you to my reviewers! Here is the story:

By Myself

The school day had started, and I was sitting in history- well, more like sleeping. I really was a good student, but last night I had fallen asleep in my chair, so my back hurt, my neck hurt, and my arm felt like it was on fire.

My alarm clock had pulled me out of another dream. Another dream that got interrupted…it had been a good dream too. I was so close this time, so close to ending it all. But my damned clock had to ruin it. I bashed the thing in as soon as I could move. I had to separate my shirt from my left arm and my legs. The blood from my arm had seeped all over my shirt, and being the genius that I am, I fell asleep with my shirt wet with blood and it stuck all over me.

It had been painful in the shower, too. I had to rinse off all the dried blood from my skin, clean my shirt and pants, and clean the knife too. I decided that it would be too risky to attempt some more so close to the start of school, so I settled for some paper-cut type ones on my toes. They hadn't hurt a bit. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad, because if it was bad then-

"Ryou!" The teacher's voice cut through my thoughts like, well, a knife, funnily enough. I just couldn't get my mind off of it. It was an addiction, and I had given in. "Ryou! Are you listening to a word that I'm saying young man?" I winced. I didn't mean to zone out, I was just so pre-occupied at the moment. Come on, who wouldn't be? And she didn't understand that- "DETENTION!" Okay, I heard that loud and clear.

"What? No!" I cried. But seeing the teachers glare, I ducked my head and muttered, "I'm sorry ma'am. It won't happen again." I was so ashamed. I'd never gotten detention before. Well, it didn't matter now, it couldn't get any worse.

But how very wrong I was.

I had made it through to the last class of the day. And that class happened to be gym. Personally, I thought that it was pointless, not everyone was capable of being a good athlete. But we still got graded on it, so I tried my best…usually.

The locker room was loud and smelly, as usual. I hated changing near people, so I usually went back into one of the shower stalls to change. Who took a shower in school was beyond me.

Dressing out was uneventful. Nobody noticed that I was more secretive than usual. Nobody noticed that I sat out the whole time. Nobody noticed I was in the class, until class was over and we went to get changed again. The teacher had lost track of time, so we only had a minute to change. This bothered me, because that meant that I would have to change out in the open…where my sweatshirt would have to come off with everyone there.

My heart beat quickened a little; I wanted to get this done without getting found out. I slid out of my sweatshirt as fast as I could while trying to hide my arm from all the other boys. I thought that everything would be all right, I just needed to put my sweatshirt on, and there wouldn't be any more trouble. But before I could pull it onto my arm, Yugi came over.

"Hey Ryou, I was just wondering how…" He stopped for a minute, and stared at my arm.

"Yes, Yugi?" I asked, while I smoothly pulled my sweatshirt on as if nothing had happened. His eyebrows furrowed for a moment, and then his eyes snapped up to mine.

"What happened to your arm?" His expression wasn't accusing. Hell, it wasn't even concerned. He was just curious. Just fucking curious, I can't believe I gave him a place on my arm…"Ryou?"

"Oh, that! That's nothing, nothing at all Yugi. You see, I was walking home when I saw this cat stuck in a tree, and I climbed up to help it, and that's when it scratched me. At least it came down after that." I smiled, hoping he would believe my bullshit story. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't. It wasn't like I'd practiced or anything.

"Oh, I see. Well I'm so glad you went to help that cat! Who knows, it could've been some little girl's cat. If it was, I bet you made her pretty happy!" He grinned up at me, and I tried not to let my smile slip. He hadn't said anything about me being hurt…and I wanted him to be my friend. Well, not any more.

Yugi turned around for a moment, and called out, "Hey you guys come over here for a sec!" Tristan, Joey, Yami, and Seto trooped over. Seto stood back a bit, still not wanting to be completely involved. But from where he was, he had a great vantage point.

"Yugi, what?" I spluttered. What was he doing? I was going to be late to my detention, and then it would get more detention. "Yugi, I really must be going. I don't want to be late!" I said to him, trying to keep my composure. Stay cool, Ryou, it isn't like he's gonna make them look at my cuts.

"Check this out! Ryou got these nasty cuts from some cat he tried to save! Go on Ryou, show them!" Yugi seemed extremely interested in this, and so did all the others. That bothered me quite a bit. Joey and Tristan were nodding eagerly, Yami was saying something like, "why don't we see if they are infected, that would be bad", and Seto was just standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Oh…alright. But it's not that interesting." I sighed as I pulled up my left sleeve. I glanced up to see their reactions.

Yugi said, "See! I told you they were nasty!" while Tristan leaned in for a better look. Joey winced and looked away, then back again.

"Man, 'dat was some ticked cat!" He exclaimed. Yami nodded in agreement and added, "They don't look to be infected. Make sure you take care of them." I smiled and gave a little nod to show that I understood.

Everyone then turned to Seto. Following his eyes, they led right to mine. He was glaring at me, full force in his 'you shit head' stance. He didn't say a word, just stared. Yugi was looking back and forth between us, and Tristan cleared his throat. That snapped Seto out of his supposed trance.

"So Seto, what's your take on it?" Yami asked. They shared a look, and Seto turned back to me. I tried not to quake as he glared at me once more.

"I think you should be more careful around sharp things, Ryou. They aren't always good for you." With that, he turned on his heel, and left the locker room. I blanched at what he had just said. He sounded like he knew- or suspected. But either way wasn't good.

Luckily for me, the other guys were busy watching Seto walk away. They hadn't seen my reaction. When they turned back to me, I had regained control.

"Uh, what did 'dat mean?" Joey asked. Without a moment's hesitation, I replied with:

"Well Joey, I'm not sure to tell you the truth. But I really should be going. I don't want to be late for my detention. See you!" I took off at a quick pace out of the locker room, and back to my history classroom.

Once I got there, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was able to set my things down, and relax for a moment. The teacher wasn't in the classroom yet, I could hear her in the teacher's lounge across the hall talking to someone. I thought that I was going to have a panic attack. They had been so close…so close. But why today of all days did they have to talk to me?

I took in a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. The teacher was still talking, so I still had time to pull myself together. I thought that I was doing a pretty good job of it when, from behind me, I felt a hand come down on my shoulder. I froze.

"Hello, Ryou" I spun around and looked up into the eyes of Seto Kaiba. His mouth was set in a sneer, and his eyes cold.

"H-hello Kaiba" I stuttered. He was making me very nervous. "What do you need?" I asked him, trying to get control of my voice.

"I'm just here to say that I know that wasn't a cat. And if you stop I won't tell." His eyes never moved from my face.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" I trailed off. He just smirked.

"Of course you don't." With a final glare, he stalked out of the classroom.

As I stared after him, my right hand made its way to my left wrist. I traced the lines there with my finger while I thought about what Seto had said. It didn't sound like he cared. But he never sounded caring. That didn't matter though. I would just find some other place to cut; until they forgot about my wrist.

Then the teacher walked in and said, "Oh Ryou! I forgot that I gave you detention, you just go on home now."

"Thank you ma'am" I said and set off for home. While I walked, I thought about the different places that I could cut as temporary replacements for my wrists.

"Don't be lonely" I whispered to my cuts. "I'll get you some more friends once Seto forgets. It won't take him long. Nobody remembers me."

Okay, there it is. Now I'm not really sure where this is going. Because Seto sounds like he cares and that isn't supposed to happen. Gah! What a mess. Anyway, please review and give me any suggestions that you may have. Thank you!


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